Saturday, April 9, 2011

Todays thoughts

 My mind is always out to lunch. So this will look like a collage of thoughts.Like the remote I go from play to FF then RW. Mostly I'm on pause.I have been struggling with food & weight issues. I kept dropping 1/2 lb. a day. Nassau, vomiting,and lack of hunger.So now I'm calorie counting too. Wonderful Wayne went shopping and got all kinds of high calorie, healthy stuff for me to eat & drink. Ensure, carnation essentials,and I am now holding around 124,that's 26 lb lost since I started Tx. I feel like I must force myself to eat each day. I believe most of it is psychological. It's the meds messing with my head.Physically, still not up & moving much. Too weak.I did win my appeal last week with SSI. A big worry off my mind. I can now pay Wayne back what I've borrowed and contribute monthly around here. I have no intent to draw this any longer then I have to. I want to work again. I am just bored off my rocker with no routine, goal or purpose each day.I'm glad I had mental & emotional issues throughout my life. I understand now, how therapy has prepared me for this Tx. I would like to write a book if I ever get back(from lala land).There is so much that goes through your mind, crazy weird stuff. Nothing bad just "why did I think that?" stuff.Most you don't feel comfortable talking about to anyone at this time.I have become very distant. Another side effect. I have withdrawn.I want people around me but I don't want anyone to acknowledge me. Talking & listening for more then 45 seconds is not a strong point right now. I'm just not me.I wonder if I'll ever be me again. I think, yes, just wiser <3


  1. Hi Crystal, I wanted to start a journey blog, but really didn't know how, so I will just enjoy yours ! Yes, I am slaying the dragon too. Started my first shot on 4-8-11. I am having sides but not as severe as yours it sounds. Just nausea, no weight loss yet, headache, dizziness, muscle pain, joint pain, etc. but I am hanging in there and lucky to still be working.I live alone, so it is all up to me how I handle it. No pity parties here, LOL Well, I will chaeck back in from time to time. Hang in there and God Bless you and yours. oh P.S. Yes the brain fog is crazy for me too. la la la la la la la .......

  2. Thank you and I apologize for not posting more. I will be posting so much once I have a clearer head. It is a blessing to both read & keep your own journal. Have you joined HVC or NOMADS ? These are wonderful sites full of knowledge and support. I could not do this if not for them. I will post in the next few days. I have a lot to say. peace & God Bless. you can do this.

  3. Hold on...We will all make it through this crazy land journey